Mom Reflections

                                                 We had just finished pushing Thomas the Train down the track to meet up with his red friend James, and read the last few pages of  Curious George Gets a Medal . It was time to get our coats on and head home for nap time, crossing my fingers he didn't fall asleep in the car. I pulled his blueberry hat over his ears to bear the Massachusetts winter chill, and guided his little arms into the royal blue marshmallow puff coat I thought would be so warm. Yet, now, the coat was an object of regret because what two year old wouldn't scream in opposition to being bound like a mummy, unable to move.  I wasn't sure if it was the coat or not wanting to leave, but the wailing began.     Feet stomping, throwing himself on the floor kicking, he screamed, “No, Mommy, I don't want to go home!No,...

 Sadness, exhaustion, lack of motivation. We have all been there at some point. I want to share my experience as a young mom to shed light on a hidden epidemic. Depression does not always look like someone dressed in baggy, filthy clothes nor do those with depression always appear unhappy in social situations.  Depression can be the smiling mom with beautiful children at the grocery store or the teacher with amazing ideas for her students. I have been there, struggling daily to get out of bed, cook meals, show up for my family.  Hindsight informs me it was likely postpartum. For some of us, it’s the lack of sunshine that seasonally gets us down. For others, it is the beginning of a new year with hopes and goals that quickly get overshadowed with the responsibilities of caring for our families. Whatever has led you to this place when you want to be happy but cannot physically make it happen, it is real and it is so very hard. I know this pain. So many others do too,...

            This time of year begs for some humor in the midst of trying to juggle all the balls, the classroom parties, the teacher gifts, the music recitals, and finding the perfect Christmas outfits. A few of our funniest moments as a family have happened during the Christmas season.  When our oldest two were about three and four years old, our son was a sheep in the church Christmas pageant. The songs and stories in the pageant made reference to the restless sheep. Our son heard the word as wrestling and decided to tackle his buddy, also a sheep, rolling down the front steps of the altar in my husband’s first church. We were able to get them settled down, only to see that the sheep were at it again. I was mortified as the young, new pastor’s wife who could not "control" her children.  The rest of the congregation, however, enjoyed the laugh of a lifetime! Maybe we brought a little grace that Christmas, illustrating that we all have our moment...

 It’s 3am, our infant is beginning to stir and wake. She is hungry again after only two hours since she nursed last. I have to will my eyes open, suffer the pain of staying awake while truly exhausted. I think how nice it will be when she sleeps through the night and yet, these sweet little fingers holding mine. Her soft breaths of contentment reveal her trust in me. It’s 4 am, I can’t sleep. I walk by my toddler’s room, see her sweet curls, finger wrapped around them. It has been a rough day, temper tantrums in the middle of the store, refusal to nap. How sweet now, as she lays on her pastel butterfly sheets clutching her “Lambie.” It’s 12:30am, she’s still not home. I will my eyes to stay open, waiting for her to come through the door. I start to worry, I shouldn’t. She’s always been responsible, she has a good group of friends. But what if...? What about...? My prayer in these moments is that God would protect my children, wrap his loving arms around them. They are ...

                     In the quiet hours of Advent-the waiting and remembering, our children see and know the love God offers through the birth of the Christ-child. Surrounded by still hours of darkness, warmth of  wood burning fire, lights of the tree glowing; little ones curl up and listen for the magic, the wonder of the virgin birth. Reading the passages of the story, often heard only once a year brings wide eyed awe and gasps of breath to grasp the magnitude of God becoming an infant. Seeing Christmas is gathering unwanted toys to share with those in need. Choosing just the right thing to put in the boxes to be sent across the world-sending Christmas joy for the hurting, hungry, barely clothed. Lighting the candles Sunday service  to remember the hope, love, joy, and peace. Gifting a goat, chickens, sheep to provide for a family like ours, yet so different. Wearing the wooly sheep costume, the angel w...

Back to School Musings I am a mom of four-4th Grade, 6th, 8th, and 10th. I am also a teacher. When my kids were little, they loved to read. My 1st grader read all of the Harry Potter books and understood everything he read.  My 5 year old’s favorite thing to have in his bed at night were 20 of his most prized books. My kids created outfits out of newspaper. They spent an entire snow day making butter beer and role-playing Harry Potter scenes. It has been one of my primary focuses as a mom to foster their creativity and love  of reading, love of learning. Unfortunately, as they hit the middle school years and even earlier, reading has become a chore. They often hate going to school-and this is not for lack of friends as they all thrive socially. Our schools are becoming  assembly lines. Don’t get me wrong, we have had some amazing teachers who bucked the system and fostered excitement and inquisitiveness. However, the testing, testing, testing. Singular focus on computer...

My husband loves to grow roses and is truly successful at doing so. He grew up on a farm and has absorbed the green thumb of knowing how much fertilizer, when to prune, how often to water. I am keenly aware lately of how marriage can be viewed much like a rose; going through seasons of growth, seasons of dormancy, sometimes needing extra encouragement and attention, sometimes flourishing with very little focus. We have grown up together, since I was 15, and he 16. We are now nearing 40. Our eyes and hearts were absorbed with each other, having very few responsibilities or distractions. As time has passed, the joys and frustrations of raising children; dealing with finances; learning to share the burden of added responsibilities have caused us to hurt one another, question, fail to appreciate. There have been moments of wanting to give up, years even of failing to communicate well. But, through it all, there are several truths that have held us fast, kept us strong, nurtured us in our ...

The month is drawing to a close and I have committed to writing once a month, but oh how I feel inadequate to share words of wisdom on parenting and faith. The cold winter blahs have taken their toll. The constant desires to play IPad, IPhone, Minecraft, and computer games are slowly shattering the memories of many years of screen free play, creative endeavors, and hours of reading or coloring that once graced our daily lives. As a mom of older children, I am finding my children need me less from day to day, but truly they need me more. They need my grace, patience, comfort, wisdom. They only pretend to need me less. It is the Lenten season, a time to draw near to Christ, remember the One who saves. I am reminded clearly that I am inadequate. I raise my voice, I grow weary and impatient. I allow the screen play for moments of solitude. I don't want to cook, clean, go grocery shopping, or fold laundry. I want to go somewhere warm, I need me time, I need a break.  Lord, I can...

In honor of National Hug Day, which was January 21 and Valentine's Day coming up, this post is about the power of a hug in the lives of our children. I have never been one for public displays of affection. I can be slow to hug others, unless there has been a level of trust established.  I have even been known to whine and squirm away as a child when my mom tried to give me hugs. "Sorry, Mom!" However, being a parent changes everything. Being a parent melts away insecurities, selfishness, and personal preferences. Being a parent forces one to give up all sense of self, at least for a time.   Mark 10:45 For even the Son of man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.  When our children are infants, you can't get enough of snuggling close, smelling their sweet fragrance, kissing those soft cheeks. When they are toddlers, they become more independent but return to your arms for comfort when they fall, when they are scared or ...

Life is full, full of so many individuals to relate to and responsibilities to manage. My heart is full, my mind is full, my emotions are full. My time and my schedule are full. So full, there isn't room for one more need, one more opportunity to help another, one more cry to ...Moooooooom for help, one more touch on my skin that begs for attention and intimacy.  So where do I go from here? How do I move forward in the new year to be open to the needs of others, the opportunities that may come my way, the moments for love,  the potential to teach, to comfort, to nurture. I start by decluttering my inbox to eliminate the asks and advertisers begging for my time. I eliminate the influence social media has on my emotions by hiding the posts that hurt, that cause me to compare, that drain my emotions which are needed for much more important and valuable ones.  I clean out the drawers, the cupboards, the closets of unused, unappreciated toys, movies, games, supplies. ...

Help, my daughter is a tween! Let me clarify that, in fact, she is only 10. Am I in trouble or what?  My daughter is amazing, creative, full of life and more ideas than I can fit in my brain. But, she exhausts me. Every idea, I feel needs a wait, not now. We can't afford that right now, let's think about this more realistically. Why can't you just go play with your sister and brothers? Mom, can I make this five course elaborate meal that actually requires your step by step help? Mom, can I sew a designer dress without a pattern when I've never had sewing lessons and you only know how to sew a straight  stitch? Mom, can I take 6 dance classes, two art classes, piano, sewing, soccer, and karate? I ask myself, how can I encourage and support her excitement for life and desire to "subdue the earth" with her creativity, "set about her work vigorously"? How can I do these things while also encouraging contentment, gratitude, and a gentle and quiet spirit...

I have four wonderfully energetic and creative kids. I teach part time all year and get to spend the summer at home with my kids, which I love.  Inevitably, though the first two weeks are a give and take of setting boundaries, redefining expectations, and the kids figuring out how to get along with each other all day. These are some of the things we try to stick to in order to make our summer days more enjoyable and agreeable. Chores must be done before fun, however fun can be interspersed with chores-dancing in the kitchen, squirting each other with the hose while gardening. What you take out,  you put away and when asked to help put away things that don't belong to you, you do it. Reading or I-pad learning games for 20 minutes in the morning before other technologies can be used. Everyone helps no matter what age. Our 5 and 7 year old are master kitchen cleaners. Our 12 year old mows the lawn, takes out the trash. Our 10 year old helps cook dinner, makes lunch...