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Marriage

My husband loves to grow roses and is truly successful at doing so. He grew up on a farm and has absorbed the green thumb of knowing how much fertilizer, when to prune, how often to water. I am keenly aware lately of how marriage can be viewed much like a rose; going through seasons of growth, seasons of dormancy, sometimes needing extra encouragement and attention, sometimes flourishing with very little focus.
We have grown up together, since I was 15, and he 16. We are now nearing 40. Our eyes and hearts were absorbed with each other, having very few responsibilities or distractions. As time has passed, the joys and frustrations of raising children; dealing with finances; learning to share the burden of added responsibilities have caused us to hurt one another, question, fail to appreciate. There have been moments of wanting to give up, years even of failing to communicate well. But, through it all, there are several truths that have held us fast, kept us strong, nurtured us in our inadequacies.

Truth #1: Commitment, our vow before God and all who witnessed our wedding. We made promises to God and one another. This means something to us, our word, our integrity, our faithfulness. We always tell our children that as they see other families divorce, we will not, we promised each other and God  to love, honor, and cherish until death. Divorce cannot enter our minds, period. I know, for some there is such pain, their spouse has left them in every way and there is no way back to finding trust and love. For you, I grieve. I cannot imagine how painful and difficult it is to walk away. There is healing, forgiveness, and peace in these situations.


Truth #2: Forgiveness. Always say you're sorry. I have never been good at saying I'm sorry, I  would prefer to sweep conflict under the rug and  move on. However, I now realize through my husband’s example that talking about the pain that was caused can bring healing and peace. It is right and good to apologize for hurting the other person even when there was no intention.

 Ephesians 4:29-32 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.


Truth #3: Intimacy. Move towards one another, hug, kiss, be intimate even when it is the last thing on earth you desire. When you feel distant from one another, we put up walls that keep us from being close physically.  This is the opposite of God's design for intimacy.  Intimacy is what can bring peace, healing, unity, and forgiveness.

Song of Solomon 6:3 I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine

Truth #4: Gratitude. See the good in one another, be grateful for your spouse.  So, your spouse may not be romantic, may leave socks all over the house, shove junk into drawers, watch too much TV.  It is not our job to change our spouses, particularly not by nagging and pointing out their faults.  We lead by example, by serving, by putting their needs before our own.  We need to choose to be thankful for all they do and who they are, not for who we wish them to be.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 Be joyful always, pray continuously, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 


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