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When the Sadness Won’t Stop


 Sadness, exhaustion, lack of motivation. We have all been there at some point. I want to share my experience as a young mom to shed light on a hidden epidemic. Depression does not always look like someone dressed in baggy, filthy clothes nor do those with depression always appear unhappy in social situations.
 Depression can be the smiling mom with beautiful children at the grocery store or the teacher with amazing ideas for her students. I have been there, struggling daily to get out of bed, cook meals, show up for my family.  Hindsight informs me it was likely postpartum. For some of us, it’s the lack of sunshine that seasonally gets us down. For others, it is the beginning of a new year with hopes and goals that quickly get overshadowed with the responsibilities of caring for our families. Whatever has led you to this place when you want to be happy but cannot physically make it happen, it is real and it is so very hard. I know this pain. So many others do too, we just keep smiling and pretending.
 Here are a few steps that helped me move from feeling worthless to finding worthiness. If these do not speak to your heart, please ask for help from a friend or counselor, a mom, sister, or pastor. Those who know and love you can cover you with prayer, and stand with you as you try to walk out of the emotional darkness.
Listen to who God says you are. It may not sink in at first. I tried to pray, read my Bible and found myself getting angry with God and saying “so what?” You love me but I don’t love myself. Allow yourself to be covered with truth even when you don’t believe it.
Keep doing life. Your kids still need you, though you think you are failing. You are still valuable in your job, marriage and friendships though you have so many reasons why you don’t think this is true. Keep going. You will see how much you are needed and that your worth is great.
Cry, mourn, scream. We often try to hold it all in and hold everyone else up. Sometimes you need permission to let those emotions pour out so you can find healing. Do it. It is cathartic and just might allow you to see some light in your darkness.
Don’t give up. I realized if I gave up, it would just make my feelings true, I really was worthless. Use your competitive spirit, argumentative nature, stubborn will; whatever you have. Determine not to give in to these lies. Believe you are better than this. Do not let the darkness consume you. Let God give you the strength to fight.
God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. (Psalm 46:5)
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